#78 Meet the Friends Part 2

My roommate, Jo, thinks Roy is gay and he doesn't know it. She's also upset Roy did not pay for the whole dinner tab ($96). "He's a surgeon and he only paid $40! A hundred dollars is like nothing!" Ana thinks he's conceited. She was very disappointed he spent the entire dinner trying to impress Jo, Alex and her than conversing with me. Touche. I still have to ask my buddy, Alex what he thinks of him.



Consider this: Your best friends only want to make sure you are in the hands of a very nice and safe man. They are not there to test his social skills with them; they are there to see whether the man handles you well and takes care of you. Nothing drives a friend more crazy than a guy who treats you disrepectfully.

And I think Roy's actions and behavior yesterday deserve a big fat F.

F for lying f*ck.

I caught him making a down-spiral trail of lies last night as he tried to cover up his tracks and whereabouts during his missing appearance some time between 3PM and 6PM. Yes, we girls are that good. Girls can sniff a Pinocchio out like Dolce and Gabbona!


Here is my testimony:

• 3:00 PM-- I call Roy. Roy tells me his friend hasn't showed up yet. They were to meet at 12PM, but he tells me his friend is late for an hour and half now. Roy wants to bike with us in Central Park anyway so he's on his way
  
  
• 3:30 PM-- I meet up with Alex and walk back to my apt to pick up Ana. I text Roy I will be at the meeting place in 15 minutes. He texts he'll see me there.
  
  
• 3:45PM-- We finally arrive at the meeting place. I give him a call... no one picks up... another call.. nothing... so finally a text "Hey, are you here?"
  
  
• 4:00PM-- I am sick of waiting. We go ahead and rent the bikes
  
  
• 4:15PM-- He calls and tells me he just arrived-- which he should have arrived 45 minutes ago, but he's claims he's tired. He keeps stressing "but don't get the wrong impression. I still want to 'hang out' with you. You're such an awesome girl. I still want to see you." I tell him it's okay and get some rest.
  
  
• 5:00PM-- I call him to ask about dinner with friends. He says yes.
  
  
• 8:00PM--(before dinner) Roy tells me he went to Soho with a friend to purchase some shirts earlier.
  
  
• 10:00PM-- (After dinner) I follow up about his day. Roy tells me his friend finally showed up at 2:30PM.... Yes. 2:30 (please read 3pm)

You have good reason to suspect it's a friend of the opposite sex if she or he consistently identifies the person as "friend."

We take the subway home, Roy asks to see me this Wednesday. I tell him I can't. He asks why. I have plans, but I am available Thursday night. Roy wants to check his operations schedule. I tell him I'll keep Thursday open for him. He smiles and says to "etch me in stone." I smile and agree. Clearly, he remembers what happened last date because he kisses me g'night on thee cheek.

This. is. not. working.

I am curious what some of the stereotypes are of Indian men so I Google it. According to the generalized population, Indian men are to-be wife beaters who neglect their women and treat them like objects??? I'm sure there's lots of nice Indian lovers and partners consistently breaking this stereotype... but what about Roy?

Meet the Friends Part I

Friday, I invited Roy for a bike ride at Central Park with friends.

(Sat. afternoon text msg)
Roy: Hey Sony. Did you plan out tomorrow yet... I'm not 100% sure I can do it then :(
Me: Sorry I'm at work right now (again, workaholic). Hey. Actually Ana and I want to meet at 3. It will be cool then.
Me: Will you be free at 3?
... no answer

@ B & N Cafe:I turn around waiting in line for coffee and see a man in a plaid hat that looks strangely like Roy's... His skin is darker like Roy's and he also has a tan messenger bag like his. I recall he usually tells me he's "chilling with his homies" and c'mon, it's a Saturday night. What's he gonna do at a bookstore?

Low and behold, Roy! Alone at a bookstore!
Roy: *smiling* Hello.

I turn around and jump. It could have been disastrous if he heard us talking about him earlier! And Ana, my friend, she was looking around for this Roy-lookalike I was telling her about... while he was walking RIGHT TOWARDS US. They introduce themselves to each other. He jokes about my bad vision. Ana agrees. We ask each other about the night. What are you doing here?

Roy: Oh, my roommate had a lots of people over. I was just taking a nap *looks at his watch*... and trying to get some work done so I came here.

Ana thinks Roy is lying. I hope she's right-- it'd be kinda cute how he tries to impress me. Roy is behaving well tonight, Ana is here. He tells me he'd love to hang out tomorrow. We all review plans for tomorrow's bike ride and bid each other gnight.

Meeting the friends is an important situation that doesn't happen nearly enough. I CAN'T STRESS THIS ENOUGH!

You never truly get to know someone until you see them around other people. When friends are interested in someone, I always encourage them to bring their prospects out for a group outing (pref. a mix of girls and boys). I like seeing ppl in the context of their natural environment. You learn so much more about a man... rather than having him tell you during an artificial constraint of a 2-hour dinner date at a restaurant.


Odd- This is the 5th time we've seen each other during 2 weeks we've known each other! either by chance or date. I keep bumping into him at the Cafe. Perhaps, he's a B&N addict.

Ahh good memories. We met here :)

#77: Eye of the Beholder

I wake up this morning with a bitter aftertaste from my second date with Dr. Roy (29) last night. We met while sitting next to each other at the B&N cafe. I should've heard trouble since the first word he used(you're fun) to describe me. The plan sounded great at first... we'll go grab some pizza at Patsy's then some gelato... We grab pizza, but I hastily agree to watch some Youtube clips of his favorite comedians at his apartment. I hardly ever go up to any guy's apartment anywhere near the third date to do anything-- not even to meet a guy up.

His living room reminds me of a long, overdue, frat boy's space. A Bowflex station is lodged in the hallway, the walls are scant of any frames except their flatscreen, and don't even get me started with the pots-n-pansy kitchen and the fridge. I am disgusted, but my face helds it in pretty well. You would think an eye surgeon who makes 200+k per year and works 70+hrs would $pend some on looking the part huh?

We move into his bedroom and he sets up his laptop on his bed. He ly on his bed drinking Corona Light and pats his bedside so I can join him. I smile and tell him I am fine in the chair. Roy shrugs.

We watch some Peter Russell and Elliott Chang. Some Dave Chappelle and Lonely Planet. He shows me a hilarious clip poking fun of Indian accents and Chinese bargaining (Roy is Indian although he does not have an accent and completely Americanized as am I). We share a few laughs... Then he asks for a shoulder massage since he injured his rotary bone a day ago. I agree even though I intuited its a ploy for me to hop on the bed.

He gives me a massage. What am I supposed to do? Turn it down? The massage is a bad idea afterall.

He shows me how to ballroom dance a bit. Then we dance to some Lady Gaga. You can learn a bit by how a person dances. Usually, it's one of the two: dirty or dorky. I can tell Roy is a frequent nightclubber. His flambuoyant dancing is amusing to me as I try hard not to laugh!

We delve into a deep topic about his complicated, year-long, LD relationship with an ex-girlfriend that may still have feelings for him. Great.

Roy: *uncertain* I... I don't even know if it's over between us
S: *neutral and casual* Oh, so you two are still together?
Roy: No, No, No. It's over. I broke up with her... but I think she may not be over it. I don't know. A few weeks ago, she wanted to come over and spend the weekend, but I told her 'Maybe it's not such a good idea.' Yeah... I have never cried over a girl before(I looked to the side uninterested).
S: Hmm- Interesting.
Roy: *laughs* SOO ... I like music. Do you?

Who is this guy? I want to get home so I could get some rest. I lean over to get him a hug good night and he steps forward to try to kiss me. I immediately put my hand on his lips.

S: Whoa... slow down. Let's get to know each other first (He chuckles not taking me seriously. I get irritated and snappy) Because technically- you don't really know me and I don't know you all that well either.
Roy: *grabs my hand as if to calm me down* Okay, Okay --Listen Sonya. Relax, Relax! ... it's fine. It's all good.

I hate it when someone tells me to relax and I don't want to. After meeting his roommate and surgeon partner, Ryan, who overheard our fib, Roy is embarrassed and quickly bids me goodnight. He doesn't even call a cab.

(text msg. @midnight)
Dr. Roy: Hey hope you sleep well ;) just wanted to let u know how cool and fun I think u r! Well chat more later...
Dr. Roy: Oh... And my shoulder just fell off... Thanx for nothing dork ;)
Me: Gladly... gnite Roy.

(...and what we REALLY meant)

Dr. Roy: Hey, hope you're not mad at me. I hope you remain fun so I can make out with you soon. And I would appreciate it if you stay cool when I start to feel hot and bothered. I don't really want to chat with you right now, but I will text you later.
Dr. Roy: Oh, and are you aware you just rejected me earlier? Thanx for nothing.
Me: I'll reject you if I have to. gnite Roy.

Surgeons take their work seriously to the death.
But when it comes to girls... it may be a whole other matter.

Confidence

Oppressed with sin and woe,
A burdened heart I bear,
Opposed by many a mighty foe:
But I will not despair.
With this polluted heart
I dare to come to Thee,
Holy and mighty as Thou art;
For Thou wilt pardon me.

I feel that I am weak,
And prone to every sin:
But Thou who giv'st to those who seek,
Wilt give me strength within.

Far as this earth may be
From yonder starry skies;
Remoter still am I from Thee:
Yet Thou wilt not despise.

I need not fear my foes,
I need not yield to care,
I need not sink beneath my woes:
For Thou wilt answer prayer.

In my Redeemer's name,
I give myself to Thee;
And all unworthy as I am
My God will cherish me.

O make me wholly Thine!
Thy love to me impart,
And let Thy holy spirit shine
For ever on my heart!

--Anne Bronte (1820 - 1849)

This poem is over 150 yrs old and yet many of us still struggle with confidence, including me. Don't let someone rob you of your esteem. Be aware of it. Ask any man. It's beautiful, happy, and oh so fragile..

About Me

I currently live Midtown Manhattan with my girl friend Jo. I moved here a few years ago for college. People call me Sony (long story); Im a mixed Asian American born and raised in Nebraska with three loving sisters (all taken sorry), a cute mom, and overbearing dad. Having been raised in a peaceful and homely area, I now have extra keen awareness for all things overwhelming, peculiar, and messed-up in New York City.

There are a number of reasons why I felt this blog is necessary. For starters, my friends think I need to keep track of my dating. I am also weary of people asking rhetorically "Why are girls so complicated?" As if there is a sweet 5 second answer to a lifetime discovery. Yes, I am a feminist (minor in Women's Studies), but I am by no means an expert of my own kind; I can barely keep on top of my own insecurities, but I am comfortable and honest enough as a female to openly-heartedly discuss it...

I am an utterly-hopeless workaholic with 4 jobs: 1) Marketing assistant for my university 2) Faculty assistant for a professor who also happens to be my boss 3) Associate Accounts Manager for a hip mrktg firm in Soho and 4) Publicist for a huge int'l conference. Wow! I must be really busy! However, I am also a fairly positive, smart, and pretty lilo lady so I manage.

So....does my crazy, people-encountering lifestyle somewhat justify my thick dating profile? Probably not; I'm still a datewhore. How? Many ppl think it's because the girl is attractive, but I'm going to let you in on a secret: a big NO! Serious date-whores: are ppl who not only do the attracting but always finds themselves, inextorably "attracted to."

I am proud of my work-hard play-hard... but finding unconditional love, truth, and beauty in myself and others has always been #1 on my list.