A little note on happiness

We tend to forget that happiness doesn’t come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have.

-Frederick Keonig

Text Msg. Terrorist (TMT)

Text msg:

Steve: I feel u r acting a bit weird...
Steve: Do you want to see me again?
Me: Steve I was so embarrassed by your table manners I just can't see you again. Please don't contact me.

Of course he was furious, but such a disgusting guy shouldn't even deserve a phone call. He started bombarding me with non-stop sexual text messages and calling me through unidentified numbers the entire night! Thank god I never told him my last name nor gave him the opportunity to come near my apt.

If I ever get dumped, the last thing on my mind, especially if I want to get someone back, is harrassing them with my presence they felt so strongly to avoid in the first place.

1st Book Club Meeting

@Edgar's Cafe:

Just had our very first book club meeting with my girls. We had coffee, exchanged notes and questions, jotted down new findings, and talked about the book for over 2 hours. I loved every delicious thought. Every wicked opinion. Every unanswered question. We read A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini:

“Each snowflake was a sigh of aggrieved woman somewhere in the world. That all the sighs drifted up the sky, gathered into clouds, then broke into tiny pieces that fall suddenly on the people below as a reminder of how women like us suffer. How quietly we endure all that falls upon us”.

Next book: Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy

Weary Eye for the Undomesticated

After the sunset... we can rent a DVD.
Me: Have you heard of In the Loop? It's showing at the indy film theatre.
Roy: no..... it could be fun, hey can you bake us some cookies or a diff cool desert!

Whaaat? Do I look like a housewife to you?? who will bake after work? I love how he wants it "diff"-icult. Oh, so now it has to be difficult? Why must you want to give me a hard time! And I would be baking YOU cookies; there would be no baking "US" unless you're slaving in the kitchen WITH me. He's not even my boyfriend!

Me: Sweetie by the time I'm finished baking, I won't have time for you.

Sigh*Once you cook for them, they will ask another time.. and another. Don't get me wrong. I LOVE TO COOK and BAKE... but only when I want to. Conclusively, best for me to feign I can't cook.

#80 "I'd like to see you more"

@ Rosa Mexicana:

He orders us Pomegranate margaritas. It is very strong.

Roy talks about his rough childhood (who doesn't have it rough?), how he broke his arm at 5 and no one believed him, how the doctor saved him... and that is how he knew he wanted to be a surgeon. He asks me what's the most difficult event I had to go through. I tell him a little about my sister. Roy would like to meet her. My sister is still family and I only introduce my family to men if I'm serious about them. Interestingly enough, that hasn't happened to anyone yet.

So, Roy claims he's "very innocent" and I am "an evil seductress." Evil??? I challenge his claim.

Me: How am I evil?
Roy: You're not evil... it's just... I'm scared of your intentions for me... like you'll take advantage of me... after this drink! *joke* You're so smooth in your interactions with me.
Me: What kind of innocence are you talking about?
Roy: Oh! So you can use the knowledge against me! *laughs*
Me: No. If you're referring to moral innocence, then it's unfair to think you're the only innocent one. I think we're all pretty innocent.

Wow. Here I was bent out of shape and unsure about my place in Roy's life... while he was doing the same. :)

He tells me about his Buddhist beliefs and meditation in uniting light and energy. Roy is repulsed by Hinduism-- contrary to his Indian background.

Roy: The third step is to unite light. For example, look at what's happening to us right now... We are giving off and receiving energy. I am enjoying it, and I hope you are too. *Pauses* I am getting to know you... and I enjoy it every time I see you. Sony, you're very mature, beyond your years. How old are you again? ... you're smart, witty, fun... You're dorky, but I have a lot of fun every time I see you. I'm not sure if it's your youthfulness- but then again, you're very mature. Can I ask you a small favor?

Me: *smiles* what is it?

I would like to... get to know you more. I know you have work and all, but... if we could just chill more often and I don't know... rent movies, go out and eat... I'd really like that.

When we leave, I give him a kiss. He tells me several times to "be good." What's that supposed to mean!

#79 Minding Table Manners

Last night @Saigon 48:

Steven, the 26-year old, muscular stock trader with slick black hair whom I met at my cafe, chomped down his pork steak with a fork and striped the meat to its bare bones with his greasy fingers. I was immediately embarrassed and disgusted. You know what else drives me crazy? Guys who end sentences with OK? "I want you to be my girlfriend ok?" "I'm free Saturday, ok?" "My job is fairly flexible ok?" And this was only our 2nd date!

He ate up the pork steak entree in addition to a vegetarian entree that I had ordered. He even ate half of my entree (I couldn't finish it)!! The nerves of this guy to try to touch my hand after finger-licking...*shoulder shudders.* My jaw dropped. In a perfect world, I would have stormed out those doors, but I feigned sickness and requested to go home.

I feel sorry for anyone who has dined or will dine with Steve. Or even be seen with him.

Certainly won't be me. Ugh!

Table manners are important to me. That's the first thing many people notice when I dine with them and I am proud of it. Table manners signify dignity and respect for your company, the staff members, and your food. We are not mindless animals. So don't eat like one!

Losing your Mojo

@ Two Boots Pizza:

Belinda, she is cute 22-year old, poised, generous acct. manager at my firm. She's also my boss, although we have become good friends and lunch buddies.

Belinda: I think I've lost my mojo.

Me: What do you mean?

Belinda: I don't know why. Maybe it's because I got out of a rough long-term relationship... but not to brag or anything, but I used to get asked out by tons of guys! Even when I was with him. Now... no one is asking me out. My friend tells me I've lost my mojo.

Me: Take your time.

Belinda: I asked my guy friend what it is about me and he tells me "'well, it seems that when people approach you, you have a big 'F*CK OFF' sign on your forehead.'"

(grumpy pup but oh so cute!)

Hmm-- what does that even look or sound like to someone??? Are there some people who are naturally intimidating? We should ask ourselves everyday whether we are giving off an eery vibe. Sure, a rough day is only human, but having so many rough days enough to have someone say you generally give off a hostile n' negative vibe? ...It just scares potential lovers n' friends away.

Third Time's the Charm?

@ B & N Cafe:

I know Roy is operating tonight so I won't be bumping into him. I go to the cafe to work on my writing. A handsome, tall, older man in a crisp cream shirt, cargo pants, coffee, and perfect skin sits next to me. "Mind if I join you?"

Me: No, not at all.
Guy: You must get approached by many men here.
Me: *laughs* yeah right.
Guy: Really? Because you're very attractive.
Me: *smiles* thank you.
Guy: I'm Steve. Steve Daniels. Nice to meet you.

We strike up conversations about our neighborhood, passions, siblings, and travels. Steve has recently come back from a electronically isolated environment in Israel as part of his Jewish culture, although he is not orthodox. He tells me he likes walking here from his apt. roughly 20 blocks away north--which is millionaire's territory so Jo tells me.

Steve: I'm self employed... after a medical condition. I translate documents in 5 different languages for several different companies.

Uh oh. What kind of medical condition? I like the way Steve communicates. He talks in a calm and understanding tone-- mostly listening, quarter sharing, and a quarter asking questions... unlike Roy who could go on forever about his life given a question or two. Roy loves to talk, but soon turns deaf after listening. Even for a doc.

Steve: So... what's your availability like this week?
Me: *curious* Steve, can I ask you a question? *he nods* How old are you?
Steve: I am... 40 something.
Me: Oh...
Steve: How old are you?
Me: I am 20 something.
Steve: You know, age doesn't really matter to me as long as it doesn't matter to you.

He talks about how relationships always end because of something else-- hardly because of age differences. I agree. I think he also indirectly called me agist: dicriminatory of people based on age. I feel somewhat guilty and agree to have lunch with him this weekend.

(Catharine Zeta-Jones and Michael Douglas: my favorite inter-age couple!!)

Age, does it matter? From experience, I feel it doesn't. I've dated 30-year olds who never grew out of frathood and eary 20s who know what they want and go after it. Of course, most guys prefer young arms so age is not much of an issue for them. As for I, I am mainly concerned with a guy's level of maturity and pace in relationships. But if this is the main concern, why are many people still grossed out by large age gaps?

This is the 3rd time a guy has asked me out this month at this cafe! And I was just working on my writing o=). This is definitely beats meeting someone at a bar. Go to your local cafe dealer today! *wink*

#78 Meet the Friends Part 2

My roommate, Jo, thinks Roy is gay and he doesn't know it. She's also upset Roy did not pay for the whole dinner tab ($96). "He's a surgeon and he only paid $40! A hundred dollars is like nothing!" Ana thinks he's conceited. She was very disappointed he spent the entire dinner trying to impress Jo, Alex and her than conversing with me. Touche. I still have to ask my buddy, Alex what he thinks of him.

Consider this: Your best friends only want to make sure you are in the hands of a very nice and safe man. They are not there to test his social skills with them; they are there to see whether the man handles you well and takes care of you. Nothing drives a friend more crazy than a guy who treats you disrepectfully.

And I think Roy's actions and behavior yesterday deserve a big fat F.

F for lying f*ck.

I caught him making a down-spiral trail of lies last night as he tried to cover up his tracks and whereabouts during his missing appearance some time between 3PM and 6PM. Yes, we girls are that good. Girls can sniff a Pinocchio out like Dolce and Gabbona!

Here is my testimony:

  • 3:00 PM-- I call Roy. Roy tells me his friend hasn't showed up yet. They were to meet at 12PM, but he tells me his friend is late for an hour and half now. Roy wants to bike with us in Central Park anyway so he's on his way

  • 3:30 PM-- I meet up with Alex and walk back to my apt to pick up Ana. I text Roy I will be at the meeting place in 15 minutes. He texts he'll see me there.

  • 3:45PM-- We finally arrive at the meeting place. I give him a call... no one picks up... another call.. nothing... so finally a text "Hey, are you here?"

  • 4:00PM-- I am sick of waiting. We go ahead and rent the bikes

  • 4:15PM-- He calls and tells me he just arrived-- which he should have arrived 45 minutes ago, but he's claims he's tired. He keeps stressing "but don't get the wrong impression. I still want to 'hang out' with you. You're such an awesome girl. I still want to see you." I tell him it's okay and get some rest.

  • 5:00PM-- I call him to ask about dinner with friends. He says yes.

  • 8:00PM--(before dinner) Roy tells me he went to Soho with a friend to purchase some shirts earlier.

  • 10:00PM-- (After dinner) I follow up about his day. Roy tells me his friend finally showed up at 2:30PM.... Yes. 2:30 (please read 3pm)
You have good reason to suspect it's a friend of the opposite sex if she or he consistently identifies the person as "friend."

We take the subway home, Roy asks to see me this Wednesday. I tell him I can't. He asks why. I have plans, but I am available Thursday night. Roy wants to check his operations schedule. I tell him I'll keep Thursday open for him. He smiles and says to "etch me in stone." I smile and agree. Clearly, he remembers what happened last date because he kisses me g'night on thee cheek.

This. is. not. working.

I am curious what some of the stereotypes are of Indian men so I Google it. According to the generalized population, Indian men are to-be wife beaters who neglect their women and treat them like objects??? I'm sure there's lots of nice Indian lovers and partners consistently breaking this stereotype... but what about Roy?

Meet the Friends Part I

Friday, I invited Roy for a bike ride at Central Park with friends.

(Sat. afternoon text msg)
Roy: Hey Sony. Did you plan out tomorrow yet... I'm not 100% sure I can do it then :(
Me: Sorry I'm at work right now (again, workaholic). Hey. Actually Ana and I want to meet at 3. It will be cool then.
Me: Will you be free at 3?
... no answer

@ B & N Cafe:I turn around waiting in line for coffee and see a man in a plaid hat that looks strangely like Roy's... His skin is darker like Roy's and he also has a tan messenger bag like his. I recall he usually tells me he's "chilling with his homies" and c'mon, it's a Saturday night. What's he gonna do at a bookstore?

Low and behold, Roy! Alone at a bookstore!
Roy: *smiling* Hello.

I turn around and jump. It could have been disastrous if he heard us talking about him earlier! And Ana, my friend, she was looking around for this Roy-lookalike I was telling her about... while he was walking RIGHT TOWARDS US. They introduce themselves to each other. He jokes about my bad vision. Ana agrees. We ask each other about the night. What are you doing here?

Roy: Oh, my roommate had a lots of people over. I was just taking a nap *looks at his watch*... and trying to get some work done so I came here.

Ana thinks Roy is lying. I hope she's right-- it'd be kinda cute how he tries to impress me. Roy is behaving well tonight, Ana is here. He tells me he'd love to hang out tomorrow. We all review plans for tomorrow's bike ride and bid each other gnight.

Meeting the friends is an important situation that doesn't happen nearly enough. I CAN'T STRESS THIS ENOUGH!

You never truly get to know someone until you see them around other people. When friends are interested in someone, I always encourage them to bring their prospects out for a group outing (pref. a mix of girls and boys). I like seeing ppl in the context of their natural environment. You learn so much more about a man... rather than having him tell you during an artificial constraint of a 2-hour dinner date at a restaurant.

Odd- This is the 5th time we've seen each other during 2 weeks we've known each other! either by chance or date. I keep bumping into him at the Cafe. Perhaps, he's a B&N addict.

Ahh good memories. We met here :)

#77: Eye of the Beholder

I wake up this morning with a bitter aftertaste from my second date with Dr. Roy (29) last night. We met while sitting next to each other at the B&N cafe. I should've heard trouble since the first word he used(you're fun) to describe me. The plan sounded great at first... we'll go grab some pizza at Patsy's then some gelato... We grab pizza, but I hastily agree to watch some Youtube clips of his favorite comedians at his apartment. I hardly ever go up to any guy's apartment anywhere near the third date to do anything-- not even to meet a guy up.

His living room reminds me of a long, overdue, frat boy's space. A Bowflex station is lodged in the hallway, the walls are scant of any frames except their flatscreen, and don't even get me started with the pots-n-pansy kitchen and the fridge. I am disgusted, but my face helds it in pretty well. You would think an eye surgeon who makes 200+k per year and works 70+hrs would $pend some on looking the part huh?

We move into his bedroom and he sets up his laptop on his bed. He ly on his bed drinking Corona Light and pats his bedside so I can join him. I smile and tell him I am fine in the chair. Roy shrugs.

We watch some Peter Russell and Elliott Chang. Some Dave Chappelle and Lonely Planet. He shows me a hilarious clip poking fun of Indian accents and Chinese bargaining (Roy is Indian although he does not have an accent and completely Americanized as am I). We share a few laughs... Then he asks for a shoulder massage since he injured his rotary bone a day ago. I agree even though I intuited its a ploy for me to hop on the bed.

He gives me a massage. What am I supposed to do? Turn it down? The massage is a bad idea afterall.

He shows me how to ballroom dance a bit. Then we dance to some Lady Gaga. You can learn a bit by how a person dances. Usually, it's one of the two: dirty or dorky. I can tell Roy is a frequent nightclubber. His flambuoyant dancing is amusing to me as I try hard not to laugh!

We delve into a deep topic about his complicated, year-long, LD relationship with an ex-girlfriend that may still have feelings for him. Great.

Roy: *uncertain* I... I don't even know if it's over between us
S: *neutral and casual* Oh, so you two are still together?
Roy: No, No, No. It's over. I broke up with her... but I think she may not be over it. I don't know. A few weeks ago, she wanted to come over and spend the weekend, but I told her 'Maybe it's not such a good idea.' Yeah... I have never cried over a girl before(I looked to the side uninterested).
Hmm- Interesting.
Roy: *laughs* SOO ... I like music. Do you?

Who is this guy? I want to get home so I could get some rest. I lean over to get him a hug good night and he steps forward to try to kiss me. I immediately put my hand on his lips.

S: Whoa... slow down. Let's get to know each other first (He chuckles not taking me seriously. I get irritated and snappy) Because technically- you don't really know me and I don't know you all that well either.
Roy: *grabs my hand as if to calm me down* Okay, Okay --Listen Sonya. Relax, Relax! ... it's fine. It's all good.

I hate it when someone tells me to relax and I don't want to. After meeting his roommate and surgeon partner, Ryan, who overheard our fib, Roy is embarrassed and quickly bids me goodnight. He doesn't even call a cab.

(text msg. @midnight)
Dr. Roy: Hey hope you sleep well ;) just wanted to let u know how cool and fun I think u r! Well chat more later...
Dr. Roy: Oh... And my shoulder just fell off... Thanx for nothing dork ;)
Me: Gladly... gnite Roy.

(...and what we REALLY meant)

Dr. Roy:
Hey, hope you're not mad at me. I hope you remain fun so I can make out with you soon. And I would appreciate it if you stay cool when I start to feel hot and bothered. I don't really want to chat with you right now, but I will text you later.
Dr. Roy: Oh, and are you aware you just rejected me earlier? Thanx for nothing.
Me: I'll reject you if I have to. gnite Roy.

Surgeons take their work seriously to the death.
But when it comes to girls... it may be a whole other matter.


Oppressed with sin and woe,
A burdened heart I bear,
Opposed by many a mighty foe:
But I will not despair.
With this polluted heart
I dare to come to Thee,
Holy and mighty as Thou art;
For Thou wilt pardon me.

I feel that I am weak,
And prone to every sin:
But Thou who giv'st to those who seek,
Wilt give me strength within.

Far as this earth may be
From yonder starry skies;
Remoter still am I from Thee:
Yet Thou wilt not despise.

I need not fear my foes,
I need not yield to care,
I need not sink beneath my woes:
For Thou wilt answer prayer.

In my Redeemer's name,
I give myself to Thee;

And all unworthy as I am
My God will cherish me.

O make me wholly Thine!
Thy love to me impart,
And let Thy holy spirit shine
For ever on my heart!

--Anne Bronte (1820 - 1849)

This poem is over 150 yrs old and yet many of us still struggle with confidence, including me. Don't let someone rob you of your esteem. Be aware of it. Ask any man. It's beautiful, happy, and oh so fragile..

About Me

I currently live Midtown Manhattan with my girl friend Jo. I moved here a few years ago for college. People call me Sony (long story); Im a mixed Asian American born and raised in Nebraska with three loving sisters (all taken sorry), a cute mom, and overbearing dad. Having been raised in a peaceful and homely area, I now have extra keen awareness for all things overwhelming, peculiar, and messed-up in New York City.

There are a number of reasons why I felt this blog is necessary. For starters, my friends think I need to keep track of my dating. I am also weary of people asking rhetorically "Why are girls so complicated?" As if there is a sweet 5 second answer to a lifetime discovery. Yes, I am a feminist (minor in Women's Studies), but I am by no means an expert of my own kind; I can barely keep on top of my own insecurities, but I am comfortable and honest enough as a female to openly-heartedly discuss it...

I am an utterly-hopeless workaholic with 4 jobs: 1) Marketing assistant for my university 2) Faculty assistant for a professor who also happens to be my boss 3) Associate Accounts Manager for a hip mrktg firm in Soho and 4) Publicist for a huge int'l conference. Wow! I must be really busy! However, I am also a fairly positive, smart, and pretty lilo lady so I manage.

So....does my crazy, people-encountering lifestyle somewhat justify my thick dating profile? Probably not; I'm still a datewhore. How? Many ppl think it's because the girl is attractive, but I'm going to let you in on a secret: a big NO! Serious date-whores: are ppl who not only do the attracting but always finds themselves, inextorably "attracted to."

I am proud of my work-hard play-hard... but finding unconditional love, truth, and beauty in myself and others has always been #1 on my list.